Dying is a sad thing to most people. It is an overwhelming feeling of sadness from losing someone close to us. It often leaves many people in a state of depression, and to be quite frank, many of these depressed people find no way out, and this often leads to their own tragic death.

People think that they have forever to reconcile with someone they truly love, but have had a small fight that left them incommunicative for years. At the person’s death, they often sense regret and sorrow for not resolving those issues. Not being able to say goodbye to someone, or not being able to tell them how much you love them, often leads to this regret and sorrow. One of the saddest things to see is the sorrow in someone’s face. How can you console them when they have lost someone so dear to them?

I welcome death. I have lived my life to the fullest. I have seen and done everything I wanted to do. I have loved and been loved, realizing that two souls can connect for eternity. My family has shown me what unconditional love is, and shown me a love that does not waiver or ever condemn because they do not agree with something in my life.

Death excites me, because I will have the chance to meet my Maker. The Maker, who grabbed my shoulder during my liver transplant when I almost died, turned me around to do something else on earth. I believe I have been living his will ever since. I am excited to know that all the pain will stop when God chooses to take me, and those around me should feel a sense of calmness in knowing that I was ready. They should take time out to just reflect on my life and remember all the things I loved. Remember the person I grew up to be: assertive, proud of the fact that I am a gay male (and wanting no one to make allowances for it), and loving to those that I held closest.

I really do welcome death when the Maker calls me home, for the sole purpose of knowing that I will begin a journey with those who went before me, and there will be no sense of time and money. Time and money are two terrible things that plague the world with so much hate. I will be living in a life of no worries and free love. I will dwell in a world of no possessions, no names, but pure love and devotion for eternity.

What is wrong with that?

Once again, I have a flash of reality. The gay community and the quality of men it produces, has me scratching my head and wondering, "Why do I even try anymore?" I convinced myself, yet again, to get back on the horse and try to find love. Once I did, it turned around and bit me on the ass. I do not know what is going on with the world around me, but I definitely see that the times are a-changing my friends.

It seems that people are accepting that their partners can't be faithful, so they jointly decide to have an "open relationship". What kind of commitment is that? I am appalled, to say the least. If it takes more than me, than hit the road, Jack.

I remember the story book romance being about love between two people, not three people. How can one truly find happiness in a relationship when the life mate looks to another person because of flaws in their partner? Love is about compromise, communication, and accepting those silly flaws. It is about working on things when they get rough and not making the first mad dash to the door.

I recently met a man who I thought was exactly who I was seeking, but it seems that he isn't. He is not accepting of my silly little flaws, nor is he able to work through the problems to establish a real working relationship with someone who is long-term relationship oriented. As I sit and stew through my emotions, and wonder why he doesn't call, I struggle with feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and thoughts of hopelessness and loss of self worth.

Somehow, I come out on the winning end, realizing that this must be my destiny, and there is someone on the other side waiting. While I could tell you all the bad things about this person, I would rather end on the note that he is a special guy. He is willing to find love, but right now he has to work on himself a bit more. When he finds what he really wants, then maybe he will find the guy who will be able to hold his attention much more than I did.

These days, one does not hear much about relationships that last longer than 3 years. The exceptions seem to be those from the 60's to 80's generations, who, in fact, were brought up knowing that marriage and faithfulness are certainly the core of a lasting love. I could be fickle and ward off men, but what good would it do? I would just live with half of my heart, and who truly doesn't want to feel. .Emotions are, in fact, the only thing worth living for. Our emotions are what we strive for in this life. They give us reasons to get up everyday, and courage to walk out the door, and more than that. they give us the opportunity to share our lives with people we love. So, what is so wrong with that?

Important to Me