Not knowing is the hard part...
Unfortunately, after Tom and I split up. I had to, once again, pick myself up and dust myself off. I began to develop friendships and started to get out, no longer confined to my home.
I started the magazine in March of 2005 and it was the perfect way to forget about my liver, at least for awhile. It started out very slowly and now is the pinnacle of the chat room. If anyone wants to know what is going on, or just wants to take some time out to read or see pictures of other gay men from the chat, they can do so.
Sometime in June, I started something called "The Terry Awards". These are readers choice awards for the local chatters. Some of the categories are flirt, chatter of the month, best eyes and body, and many more.
However, in March I had decided to give something back to the chatters and to the writers. I was going to have my first annual Terry Awards celebration complete with trophies for each category, and of course to honor my writers.
The first annual Terry Awards were March 28, 2005. We had a total of about 55 people show up, not a big crowd but an enthusiastic group. I had entertainers from around the state who came out to perform for our half time entertainment. Our diva of the year, Michelle St James even came out and did her version of "My Humps" and she tore the roof down.
For those who came out though, we had a blast and I had planned to have a second even though the turn out was not as I expected. One thing you will learn about me, I do not give up on anything. I will be there long after the smoke clears.
The magazine was starting to get noticed. The respect and admiration was evident through the local chat rooms. I mean there are always one or two negative people who try to tear it down but you have that in every society. You just have to see it for what it is, and move forward.
If nothing else the magazine has brought purpose to my life and gave me a reason to keep going on. It has given me hope in a time, when I thought there was none. Each reader that comes to the site, not only serves as a patron of West Virginia Queer News but they are considered a friend. If they need anything, all they have to do is give me a holler.
Our awards ceremonies has now reached its third annual celebration and I was humbled at the large number of people it brought. It served as not only a way to honor members of the community but also as a outlet to get out and get to know our readers. This years award ceremony was amazing, and with each year it gets better. You live and learn with each fallen year, and you see ways to adjust and fix the little things that do not go as smoothly as planned.
In year 2 of our Terry Awards celebration, I had decided to have our First Annual Ms West Virginia Queer News pageant. It would allow a diva to represent our fine magazine and also give them the right to earn a title. We had two find contestants in the first year, both class acts and premiere entertainers. Ms Michelle St James and Ms Robin Hearts. They did a wonderful job but yet there can only be one winner and this year, Robin had done enough to be crowned The First Lady of West Virginia Queer News. I can not say enough about both these entertainers, their pure talent as well as class is how each diva throughout the state should carry themselves.
We have just finished up our Second Annual Ms West Virginia Queer News pageant, where 6 girls came out for the right to be called "Ms West Virginia Queer News 2008-2009". The girls were great, and everyone came to win. I have to say the competition was fierce and you could see each entertainer put forth the effort and are to be applauded for bringing it all to the table. However, there can only be one winner and this years winner is Ms Martina Dezerae.
One thing that I have learnt over the first three years of these events is that you can not please everyone. You can only be professional about things, but also sensitive to others feelings. It is not about crowning a winner at all, it is more about celebrating each others existence.
Since Tom and I broke up, I have been living the single life getting out with friends and checking out what Parkersburg has to offer. The answer to that question is, “absolutely nothing.” Club Utopia was the only club in town and the guys who go out there have been with every other stinking man in this town. So of course that leaves me reeling to stay celibate and single FOREVER!
For lack of a better word, “dating” was not in my forecast; as far as my future was concerned. I was enjoying having a girlfriend in Terry. We are both bottoms, so there was never any sexual interest there. So we were able to go out and just act crazy. I enjoyed Club Utopia, especially on Sundays since they were karaoke nights and we had some people we hung out with that we considered friends.
As the story goes and life does, you’ve got to remember too much of a good thing can result as a bad thing. Our spending too much time at the club had given people the ammo to label us and that they did. Many people believed we were lovers; while others labeled us as lushes and bar flies and sluts. None of that bothered me, as long as I knew the truth; they could all kiss my ass.
Tom had been going through life just partying and not caring about his own self in the least. I would talk to him but nothing I could say could stop the onslaught of killing himself. He would try; but his addiction was stronger than the love he had for me. He finally moved away with some other man; thinking that he had found someone who could deal with his habit and that perfect love. Once again though, he came home a scorned bitter man.
I could hear the desperation in his voice to want to be free from it all. As long as people were feeding his addiction, he was going to continue doing what he does. I offered him advice and suggested admitting himself into a rehab center; every time he would say yes. But then I would not hear from him for a few days and then it started all over again.
I have been dealing with rejections about every 6 months, but I seem to be recovering nicely from the transplant. The only thing that is different is the fact that I can only do 65 percent of the stuff I could before. It certainly is a much better life than no life at all.
Can't forget Duke either. He has been man’s best friend and has helped me get through allot. It just made me get up in the morning to make sure he was taking care of.
My online friends helped me keep it together after the break up and even convinced me to fight for what I believe in; and I believe that is why I fight today, to give Tom a chance again. He seems to have changed and I hope that we can make a real go at it this time. As long as I get no sense of him abusing his addiction or messing around and lying to me, I see a real shot for us and who knows … maybe a happy ending.
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