January 2008
Rob and I continued to build the house of our dreams, a place that we could call our own. Who would have thought that things could go so wrong? You would think that it would pull us together.
We did nothing but work on the house. Of course, because we wanted in as soon as possible. It took a toll on both of us, we argued a lot.
I remember when we were pouring the drive way and footers. We both had no idea, concrete would literally burn your skin off if you didn't protect your feet. I got out when I felt the burning sensation but Rob continued to work through the pain for over a hour more. The next day neither one of us could walk, mine were minor burns while his ended up being second degree burns and they needed to do some extensive work to get him back on his feet. This did, however, pull us back together.
We finally did finish this house, at least exterior wise and had moved into it. While living there we continued to work on the interior one step at a time. It took all of our time, and it put a great strain on the relationship and we were drifting apart.
During this time, I had my mom and friend Jodi over a night. When I awoke the next morning, I got up, got in the shower for work, and went to get out but couldn't I had no strength. My mom and Jodi had to literally lift me out of the tub and into the bed. I continued to get worse, and finally had to go to the doctor.
I had visited so many specialists over the next few months, they diagnosed me with arthritis, lupus, they even thought I had HIV/Aids. Ultimately, I never started getting better. When a blood specialist suggested and took a complete blood count. I am glad he did, they finally got to the bottom of the problem. My liver enzymes were in the 1200's, my total billirubin was at 21.1. I had no idea what all this meant but they said that I had a rare disease, known as Auto Immune Hepatitis. It is a non-contagious form of hepatitis, its where your immune system attacks the weakest part of your body and destroys it. Of course, for me it was my liver. They had started me on prednisone treatment, with no dismay. I mean, I got back on my feet for awhile but things once again started going down hill. The treatment was not working, they then took my immune system away from me, to stop the attack on my liver.
During this time, the meds had me a basket case and doing things out of character. Rob had finally had enough of me, I understand why. I just didn't know at the time, that my meds played a significant part to the way I was treating everyone. I just had no way to change it, I never found out until some years later that that lead to the demise of Rob and Terry.
Anyhow, I had went through the break-up devastated but ultimately couldn't get any better. I had moved into an apartment in Belpre, close to work. I spent all my time feeling sorry for myself, hearing you are going to die, and that scares the shit out of you. I continued to fight and go to work until finally working was no longer an option. I was so sick daily, that I had to quit or take a leave of absence.
My friends and family supported me but I finally had to move away to push them all away in case, I really did die. This time, I moved to Florida with my life long friend, Rex. I thought that I could make a go at it there. Next week, I will walk you through that part of my life and ultimately make my way back to Ohio. Go figure!
RUN AWAY
If you haven't noticed by now, I tend to have a problem with running away from things when they get tough. It is something that my mother and I have been very good at doing over the years. The bad thing about it is the fact that we never resolve the problem and when we do come back, we once again, have to face it.
This time, I ran off to Florida to stay with my best friend Rex. I arrived there with nothing but my clothes and 2000 dollars. I didn't have to pay any rent since I was staying at Rex's, so I partied for like three weeks straight with Rex and his friends. Don't get me wrong, I was having a blast, but it was now time to find a job, or do what I do best again. I had went around to a lot of the area gay restaurants and bars applying for server positions, but not one call back.
I was becoming very agitated about it, and increased my drinking habits. Rex gave me free drinks at Georgie's Alibi, so I really didn't need money for that. One night after Rex got off work, we were all sitting around Georgie's eating din din and getting drunk when one of his friends said something to Rex about taking me home and marrying me. Rex flipped out on him, I have been in love with Terry since we moved from Alabama. I stood there with my mouth open, unsure of what to say. When I finally said something, we spent the evening talking about the fact we both were head over heels for one another but neither one would say a word.
We had finally came to the understanding, that we are both very different people now and there is no way we could make it worse but our friendship would always be intact.
With all that happened and the fact that I had just one hundred dollars left in my pocket. I realized that the place I needed to be at, was back in Ohio with family and friends who loved me.
I realized I was finally past all the anger and sadness with Rob. One thing remained, I knew that it was neither one of our faults. God had different plans for me, I think a big influence on separating me and Rob was the fact that he likes to drink and that would eventually be the thing that killed me if I stayed. While there will always be a part of Rob in my heart, it was time for someone else to fill the void left in my heart.
So, I moved back to Ohio, unaware of what to do next. I spent the next three months shacked up with my mom. I had been turned onto AOL and the Internet at this time. It literally consumed me, I spent the most of 24 hours on the computer for weeks. I was an addict, but it got me out there meeting others like me. It was great.
I did forget to tell you that I had begun working at Big Boy in Belpre and loved it. I worked straight day shifts from 6-2 PM and weekends off. I mean, that says a lot right there.
Well, next week you meet Jodi and she soon after moves in with me. The question remains, who will fill the void in my heart or will I remain single and enjoy life for awhile. Remember though, I am now living with a terminal disease, and managing it with meds.
bravenet.com