FEBRUARY 2009 Just like anything if life, one man can tear apart a group or one can build a solid foundation that lasts forever. One man has rose above all the adversity and got back to the voice and channel he has to represent a community. While one continues to stew in his own misery and because of a little speculated criticism. The one remains intact in his goals, while the other destroys something that has been built for so many years and continues to attack in revenge and resentment. It is about rising above and forgiving.
As individuals we all have what it takes to forgive and forget. I have done just that and am not sorry for what West Virginia Queer News is or what we have done up to this point. We are a online magazine made open to the public. A way for the whole state to see what others are saying. I stand behind what my writers have to say, if I didn't give them the ample right to express themselves, would I not be discriminating within the walls of WVQN. I am a firm believer in forgiveness and making up. I respectfully believe since we have took the reigns as an online magazine. The states local organizations have started to increase not only members but more than that, have took a long hard look at themselves and have in fact made it a point to fix things that are internally tarnished. The community had become so stale for such a long time. We have visited different areas for our fix on Pride. It seems now that some individuals have stepped up to the plate, to try to create some enthusiasm in the system. While we continue to run smoothly and accept the mistakes we make along the way. We continue to grow as a community oriented group and only open ourselves up to oppurtunities to work with local groups around the state. If you would welcome us in, we could build toward one common goal and bring West Virginia back on the map as a legitimate contender in every shape and form. So many times we lose sight of what is important to us, as a group. We let our personal feelings get involved and we air on the side of bad judgement. At some point, we have to grab hold of it, and say enough is enough. We all come to realize that through trial and error, we continue to grow as a community and everyone forgives. Open yourself to the realization that once we see the problem, we can all fix it and what the hell is wrong with that?
Will you step up to the plate and agree that working together is the first step?
Will you step up to the plate and agree that working together is the first step?
Taming the Lion
What do you do when no one understands you or paints a very different picture of who you are? It is bewildering to me, how a person can judge someone on something they heard rather than getting to know that person? Perceived notions and attempts of ruining someones reputation, just because someone else is not happy with his own life. The only remark, I have to make is "At least when they are talking about me, they aren't destroying someone else's life."
Terry Leroy Urban Jr is a 38 year old who has walked this earth in both good and bad circumstances. As I said earlier, it seems many people wish to paint a picture of me in a very negative way. While I too, like to have fun. There is a side of me, that many of you do not see.
Rumors are like assholes, they grow bigger each time we get fucked. What I mean is, as people spread a rumor, it only escalates and grows to be an even more exaggerated concept of the truth. Many people wish to classify me as a slut because of the last three bear nights, when in fact, I might take some clothes off. One thing remains, I always leave alone and I never have sex. So, whats wrong with that rumor?
It is true, that I had a liver transplant but I only had one and it was not a result of my alcohol consumption that many of you wish to spread around town. I in fact, had something called Auto Immune Hepatitis, its a non-contagious form of hepatitis, its where your immune system attacks a weak point on your body and destroys it as a result. While I do struggle with drinking at times, for the most part I steer clear away from it. It is hardly fair to say, I am only destroying a gift. I understand what I am doing and I battle addiction just like everyone else. Shall we open your closet and see what dirty laundry is in it?
The biggest and saddest thing I can say about our own community is the fact that we choose to blame others for our problems. Regardless of its a love that has gone bad, or a friendship that was severed because of something you said about them behind your back. It all comes down to decisions we all make in our own lives. While some are the right ones, many are bad ones.
The fact of the matter is, that with each experience we have to do one thing upon any of these mistakes or godsends. We must make sure that we can take a lesson learnt from it.
If we can do that we can only improve our lives in the most respectable and most untarnished way we can. There is a rumor also going around that I have single handedly ruined Pride and that I also am being biased when it comes to the bars in Parkersburg. Neither one of these rumors are true.
I simply gave my writer the freedom to express his views and the facts about a pride event that went bad, that was all. As far as the bars in Parkersburg, I harbor no ill will toward either club. I would actually visit it to, if there was not a individual there that totally ruined my belief in human compassion and also my belief in being able to trust someone.
I, myself would love to go to Our Place on occasion to party but would have to feel welcomed. While I have helped Woodstarr get entertainment on occasion, I also offered my help to Our Place too. If either one of them choose to ask me for it, I am there for them. It's just a phone call away.
Well, with that being said, I just wish that people would take another route to stepping into others lives without permission and take a look in your own mirror and see the person looking back at you. You might see that you are irrefutably the person who needs to step outside of yourself and fix the things that are wrong before pointing the finger at someone else.
The worse thing I think about the situation and the people who are saying negative things about me, they should remember the golden rule. Do unto others, as you'd have done to you. Think before you speak. It comes back times three.
A Gift of Love
So many times we forget that love is a gift and not something to be taken advantage of.
I see it so often in the community, we are always looking for the next best thing. In reality, we can move on with someone else but will we ever find someone who could equally love us?
Just because someone looks a little better on our arm, doesn't necessarily mean they are right for us.
It is more important to focus on the heart of someone. It is about finding someone who enjoys the same things we do, as well as knows how to love themselves. If you find someone who doesn't love themselves, how are they going to love us?
I have been giving the gift of love many times but none have paid off as that one that lasts forever but yet I continue to open my heart to chance and one day my prince will come.
The most important and precious gift of love came on Jan 26th, 2004. A young man, 32 years old, was killed in a motorcycle crash and left his organs to be donated. I was the recipient of half of his liver and because of that gift of love, I am alive today and living an active rather healthy life. Because of one man's love, my life continues and I reach for stars to make sure that he knows I did not take advantage of his gift and most of all, I want him to see I continue to strive for a better world in everything I do. Thanks to that generous man who gave, in the time of loss. You will never be forgotten and may you rest in peace with the good lord above.
My point this week is when we are handed love, we should not take advantage of it. We should cherish love, every aspect of it. Without love, life becomes stale almost non-existent. When you are alone in this world, it seems things are at a stand still. It is like a ride you want to get off of.
Its about finding familiarity in someone, enjoyment in their company, and most of all the song in their heart. If you find that, I suggest you play the tunes of your own heart and go with it. Like they say Love is a many splendor thing!
No friend of Mine
Alcohol can make you do the darndest things. It is strange to think that something you drink can change your whole entity. What I mean, is it can make you the star in any Dr Jeckyl and Hyde flick. You can certainly be perceived as the most terrifying and most hateful person alive.
THE PRISON CHRONICLES
To start off, I want to thank you for reading this week and please do it with a non-judgemental attitude.
Last night I sat down in front of the television when I came across a program about prison penplas and the people that write to them. At first, I was like, are they crazy? I am truly one of those skeptics who believe they are in there for a reason and I treat it as if its a documentary. So, anyway after watching the show, I wanted to find out more so, off to google I went. "Gay Prison Penpals."
Click.
The sites go on to warn readers not to use a home address to write inmates, but rather to use a post office box for correspondence to insure safety. Without exception, these sites gave the full name of each inmate and the types of crimes for which they are incarcerated. As most prisoners have no access to email, snail mail is the only option for communication. Most of the sites have capability of showing you the prisoner's sexual orientation, so it makes it easy to find exactly what you are looking for.
Virtually every ad I found was masterfully crafted to get as many responses as possible, without ruling any potential responders out. Each site has a word limit on the ads, and every single word was clearly very carefully chosen to portray (or, so as not to sound too cynical, reveal) the loneliness, kindness, and vulnerability of the inmate. Most ads stated that the inmate was strongly oriented towards monogamy, that s/he was in the market for a soulmate, and that age/race/gender/body type/degree of butchness/severity of hunchback were completely unimportant in terms of a potential partner. It’s as if every ad was saying, “I’m here for the sole purpose of loving you unconditionally, and will be whatever you want me to be to make you happy.”
Many ads used gender-neutral language in order to cast the widest net possible, e.g., “I’m looking for a fun-loving, adventurous, understanding, open-minded person to write. I’m not looking for financial support, but do as your heart lead you. I welcome diversity and view it as a great way to expand my knowledge, if something more develops——GREAT!”
Another thing I noticed is that a lot of the gay inmates didn’t seem all that gay to me. Realistically, thought we as gay people tend to develop highly sensitive and accurate gaydar early in life for our safety and sanity. Honestly, if you’re queer and reading this, how often have you stepped into a crowded room and instantly picked out the four other queer people there with a fairly high degree of accuracy? I know I have. Here’s a tip for those of you with substandard gaydar: gay men have eyes that INQUIRE, and straight men have eyes that ASSUME. Also, when most gay men call you “dude,” it sounds like an affectation. And as I look at the pictures and read the text of these ads, I mostly see eyes that assume and a lot of un-ironic “dudes”. It’s noteworthy that many of the male inmates willing to accept correspondence from gay men on the outside are looking towards a possible release date within the next year or two after many years of incarceration. It seems like the closer they are to freedom and the complete uncertainty that comes with it, the straighter they’re not.
Even though I don’t know what “head games” are, I get it when virtually all the inmates say they hate them and won’t tolerate them. I feel exactly the same way about the color mauve. And I can’t really blame inmates for frantically trying to connect with people on the outside. As I heard on the news show about prison penpals before I dashed for my computer, 80% of inmates lose contact with everyone in their lives within two years. And to call our prison system a “correctional system” is, to say the least, overly optimistic. And we all know that most folks released from prison have virtually no social or economic means of support. I think I’d be lifting weights in the yard and sending out feelers for a sugar daddy if I was in their circumstances.
I didn’t have any luck finding a comic book queer in prison. Most advertisers indicated they liked long walks (where?) and quiet evenings with the person they love, but nobody mentioned comic books. A few inmates posted samples of their art, and a lot of their work was really amazing, but it featured no one in a cape, or even red patent leather boots. Maybe I’ll check back again in a week or two.
Out of all the bad people in the prison systems, there are the few that can truly want and have the ability to change for the better after an experience like what they are going through.
As for me, I have jotted down a few addresses and have begun corresponding with a few noteworthy guys. We are exchanging friendly letters and even talking of the research I seek.
So, with that being said, this will be the first in a series I will be writing throughout the year to let you know what findings I have found to be true with prisonpenpals and all the real life scenarios that come from them.
Love is a wonderous and mysterious thing
Who would have thought that, love could be found through a pen pal site?
I most certainly didn't, but I took a chance and said what the hell!
What I found after that still bewilders me. I met this young man named Marshall Johnson, from Oregon. He and I began corresponding through the US postal system or better known as snail mail. The unique thing about it is I wrote someone else and his friend pushed Marshall onto me. I wasn't quite sure what to think about it, so again i took the chance and wrote him.
Since then, we have discussed everything from his family life to sexual orientation. The thing that makes it so different than the gay dating and bar scene is the fact, that this form of dating we really have to get to know each other long before the sex comes. We know everything about one another. I mean I know that his birthday is June 23rd. He enjoys fixing up old cars, four wheeling, and even more than that he wants a sound relationship and has picked me out as the one he wants to build one with.
If you do not know by now, I have gracefully decided that when he gets here on July 20th, 2009, he and I will start our new life together forever. It is strange to me that I found love on the internet because I didn't believe that it was possible. I think the most confusing part of it is the fact that we have not met face to face yet we both have falling head over heels for one another. I can only imagine the sparks that will fly when he gets here. Let alone the anticipation and excitement, I'm sure we won't be able to keep our hands off one another and I for one can't wait!
I think its because we know each other inside and out, there is nothing hidden in our lives. The most essential part of our meeting this way is the fact that we had nothing to lose. We took the chance and spilled our guts on paper and it ended up showing the other person that we all have one common bond - human compassion, love, and understanding.
While I do want to let everyone know that just because it is working for me. This might not be the right thing for you. However, I believe that taking chances in life is essential to our life growth and if we find the smallest inking of love we should grab hold of it.
I am still fearful of the inevitable but with this present relationship and where Marshall and I stand, I believe that something solid is building and that the future is looking bright for us. If we do not live for the moment, what makes life worth living?
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