Grandpa, Why
Grandpa, why?
You left when we thought you were on the mend. I remember the loud thud from the sitting room. I sat there for what felt like an hour but it was only a few seconds. When I gathered my thoughts, I jetted to the room to find you lying on the floor face down, in your own blood.
With no thoughts other than helping you, I turned you over and began CPR until the medics got there. They arrived and took over, but called in a code blue. They found a very faint pulse but didn't look too pressed for time. I remember your face, almost blue at this point. In a panic, the family and I flew to the hospital, only to find that you left us to fend things on our own.
Grandpa, why?
I remember when the doctors came in and said, "I am sorry. We did all we could do.: I took the easy way out grandpa. I didn't attend the funeral or go see you at the viewing. I thought that it could hide all the pain that I felt inside. Instead, I packed my things and moved to Alabama with my dad.
Grandpa, why?
Why did you leave us? Were you really ready to go? Did I not do enough before the medics got there to save you? These are all questions that go through my mind, feelings of helplessness and void. I loved you grandpa, and yet, you left us to find our own way in life. We didn't know how the household would function without you, but when faced with adversity, we strive to keep going. We learned a lot from you over the years, and it helps us to gain independence and see that we can do anything we set our minds to.
I often question everything that happens in life, but this time circumstances were not our side. Your loss was our gain. You taught us that everything we needed to go through life. I just wonder, was this all part of your plan with the Big Guy upstairs?
Grandpa, could this be why?
Vetoterry@aol.com
Goodbye
Every time I hear the song, Never Can Say Goodbye, by Michael Jackson, I remember it fondly. Anyone who has ever lost a love can see why that song would make one feel so melancholy. One really never comes to terms with losing a loved one. You always learn to deal with it, or adapt to the many changes in your life, but you never fully get over it. You will likely go on to meet someone else, and believe you are in love again.
Interestingly enough, when we hear an old song that made a lasting impression on us when we were young and in love, we are transported back, and begin dredging up those feelings again. It's unceremonious, to say the least. Then, there are those people who come in and out of our lives for whom we develop a great fondness. They often represent the truest of platonic relationships. We often find them in co-workers with whom we build a deep bond many times at work. Co-workers often develop a relationship much like a family. I must admit that I developed a close knit family with the people I worked with at the Levee House Cafe and Big Boy, in Belpre.
When I listen to the song. People, by Barbara Streisand, she sings "We're children, needing other children, and yet letting our grownup pride hide all the need inside." We find wholeness with people many times, and not being able to say goodbye has everything to do with the fact of our needing people, needing the other half to make us whole. This is why I never say goodbye when I am leaving someone that I love. Take care and see you later are a standard for me, because goodbye is forever.
I had a friend Lydia, who drove me crazy. She called me all the time, and every day around two o’clock, she would call about everything that was going wrong in her life. It would often drive me crazy and I wanted to tell her off. Because we worked together, I never could do it. It always seemed like she was cutting into my life and interrupting something important. She would even come to my home with her two small children. Don't get me wrong. I loved them all, but I felt they depended on me and needed me too much.
One day, the phone calls suddenly stopped, and at first I felt happy about it, and breathed a sigh of relief. Since then though, I often catch myself sitting by the phone now at 2 PM waiting on that friendly voice saying hi, and telling me about her day. It is strange how we do not realize how much someone means to us until they are gone.
When someone decides to move on with their lives, we are often left with feelings with which we don’t know what to do. Some of us will become depressed, moody and irritable, and it may take a few days or weeks to find our bearings. Ultimately we have lost someone close to us, and adapting to the change is necessary to move forward. This often happens in families when someone moves to another town or state. The feelings might be more intense for a short while. Of course experiencing the death of a family member or friend will result in the same thing, but the recovery time will be longer.
Saying goodbyes can be extremely difficult for some. Partly because it is connected to abandonment issues that a person has from growing up perhaps in an unstable home, or losing a parent through death, or divorce, or other types of childhood separation. The central theme of loss is connected to the feelings we all have from time to time when realizing that we are so small and insignificant in this giant universe in which we live.
We need relationships to validate us. We desperately need family, lovers, friends and acquaintances, and it is important that they like us or at least that we perceive that they do.
We so desperately need people.
Carl
Carl is a friend, someone on whom I can count, no matter what. He came into my life with the simplest and most suggestive of circumstance. I was a server at a local restaurant and when he came in, I read the daily specials and offered him a Big Boy Special. He ordered his food and ate his meal, and when I asked about dessert, he answered, "Only if you are on the menu."
I chuckled and told him I wasn't, but that was the start of a beautiful friendship. Carl is an older gentleman, and a true gentleman who cares about others with all the love in his heart. He’s gone beyond what it means to be a friend, even when I was young and naive, and took advantage of him.
He has proved time and time again that if I need him, he is there.
He has in essence been the best friend that I could ever have. He is the father that I never had. He has shown an undying love for me and continues to help me when I am feeling down and out when the world has cast me to the side.
Carl is a good man, and a firm believer in helping those who need help. He is what I like to call him, my guardian angel. I believe that God sent Carl into my life to protect me from all the things that go wrong in life. He is there to set me on the right path when I venture down the one that is destined for nowhere.
He is the guardian angel that watches over me and protects me from the world of hate revolving around me. For all this, I want to say thank you to Carl and tell him that he is truly a significant other and a best friend to me. I just hope when your time comes to find happiness forever, that you grab hold of it.
I can tell you this, my friend, that if you do not get happiness here on this earth, then your happiness will be rewarded in Heaven with the good Lord above.
I have heard the metaphor that an egg is the same, any way you dress it up. You can scramble it, or you can make it an omelet, or you can cook it medium well, or you can poach it, but no matter how you prepare it, it will always be an egg. Is that the same for a person? Do you believe it is impossible for someone to change? I believe that the metaphor is right. How many people truly change who they are?
I used to believe it was impossible to change. I really have not had the chance to see that people actually change, but from time to time some of my acquaintances have had a desire to better themselves after they realized that they were doing something bad or something that needed to be changed.
I believe that we are put on this earth to become better persons by learning from our mistakes. It is not easy to change. I have been there and have completely changed the person I once was. One has to a have strong desire for change through difficult introspection, and objectively watching one’s behavior. I believe that change is something one does from the mind, from an inner energy. This energy tells you repeatedly that you are a good person and that if you want change, you can achieve it.
My personal story is how I came to realize that I could change. I used to be a heavy drinker, someone who lived just for today and never worried about the consequence of my actions. I believed that nothing could tear me down until it happened. I was a risk taker, someone who would challenge anything, whether it was the unsafe sex, the endless drinking, and hurting people to get what I wanted.
When I got sick I realized that the real person inside me was just busting to get out. When I almost died from a chronic liver disease and transplant, I realized is precious life is. At the moment, I awakened alive and began getting better. I was at a point in my life where changes had to happen. I began a slow radical change, avoiding outside contact with potential drinking situations whether it was a birthday party or a bar. I began to build a relationship with my family again, and disassociated myself from former drinking buddies. I quit drinking, and to this day I am still on the road to complete recovery.
Spiritually, I have grown into a much stronger person who cares about others’ feelings and I simply live for tomorrow. I often think of how my actions impact others’ lives, and the long term result of something I might do. I have achieved an inner peace that accepts that life is a gift, and I will cherish every minute I have on this earth. The people that are in my life are the people I plan on being with forever.
I want to tell those people who are trying to change that anything is possible if they want it badly enough. They have to dig deep within and accept the little mess-ups, and chalk them up to a lesson learned. Remember that no one is perfect, as long as they trying, they will see results. Strive for the best in you and know that one life can change simply with a will and a hunger to achieve inner peace. When you find it, you will truly live!
Interestingly enough, when we hear an old song that made a lasting impression on us when we were young and in love, we are transported back, and begin dredging up those feelings again. It's unceremonious, to say the least. Then, there are those people who come in and out of our lives for whom we develop a great fondness. They often represent the truest of platonic relationships. We often find them in co-workers with whom we build a deep bond many times at work. Co-workers often develop a relationship much like a family. I must admit that I developed a close knit family with the people I worked with at the Levee House Cafe and Big Boy, in Belpre.
Carl
Carl is a friend, someone on whom I can count, no matter what. He came into my life with the simplest and most suggestive of circumstance. I was a server at a local restaurant and when he came in, I read the daily specials and offered him a Big Boy Special. He ordered his food and ate his meal, and when I asked about dessert, he answered, "Only if you are on the menu."
I chuckled and told him I wasn't, but that was the start of a beautiful friendship. Carl is an older gentleman, and a true gentleman who cares about others with all the love in his heart. He’s gone beyond what it means to be a friend, even when I was young and naive, and took advantage of him.
He has proved time and time again that if I need him, he is there.
He has in essence been the best friend that I could ever have. He is the father that I never had. He has shown an undying love for me and continues to help me when I am feeling down and out when the world has cast me to the side.
Carl is a good man, and a firm believer in helping those who need help. He is what I like to call him, my guardian angel. I believe that God sent Carl into my life to protect me from all the things that go wrong in life. He is there to set me on the right path when I venture down the one that is destined for nowhere.
He is the guardian angel that watches over me and protects me from the world of hate revolving around me. For all this, I want to say thank you to Carl and tell him that he is truly a significant other and a best friend to me. I just hope when your time comes to find happiness forever, that you grab hold of it.
I can tell you this, my friend, that if you do not get happiness here on this earth, then your happiness will be rewarded in Heaven with the good Lord above.
I have heard the metaphor that an egg is the same, any way you dress it up. You can scramble it, or you can make it an omelet, or you can cook it medium well, or you can poach it, but no matter how you prepare it, it will always be an egg. Is that the same for a person? Do you believe it is impossible for someone to change? I believe that the metaphor is right. How many people truly change who they are?
I used to believe it was impossible to change. I really have not had the chance to see that people actually change, but from time to time some of my acquaintances have had a desire to better themselves after they realized that they were doing something bad or something that needed to be changed.
I believe that we are put on this earth to become better persons by learning from our mistakes. It is not easy to change. I have been there and have completely changed the person I once was. One has to a have strong desire for change through difficult introspection, and objectively watching one’s behavior. I believe that change is something one does from the mind, from an inner energy. This energy tells you repeatedly that you are a good person and that if you want change, you can achieve it.
My personal story is how I came to realize that I could change. I used to be a heavy drinker, someone who lived just for today and never worried about the consequence of my actions. I believed that nothing could tear me down until it happened. I was a risk taker, someone who would challenge anything, whether it was the unsafe sex, the endless drinking, and hurting people to get what I wanted.
When I got sick I realized that the real person inside me was just busting to get out. When I almost died from a chronic liver disease and transplant, I realized is precious life is. At the moment, I awakened alive and began getting better. I was at a point in my life where changes had to happen. I began a slow radical change, avoiding outside contact with potential drinking situations whether it was a birthday party or a bar. I began to build a relationship with my family again, and disassociated myself from former drinking buddies. I quit drinking, and to this day I am still on the road to complete recovery.
Spiritually, I have grown into a much stronger person who cares about others’ feelings and I simply live for tomorrow. I often think of how my actions impact others’ lives, and the long term result of something I might do. I have achieved an inner peace that accepts that life is a gift, and I will cherish every minute I have on this earth. The people that are in my life are the people I plan on being with forever.
I want to tell those people who are trying to change that anything is possible if they want it badly enough. They have to dig deep within and accept the little mess-ups, and chalk them up to a lesson learned. Remember that no one is perfect, as long as they trying, they will see results. Strive for the best in you and know that one life can change simply with a will and a hunger to achieve inner peace. When you find it, you will truly live!
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